"Its 4/20 but I'm 1 month Sober..." Today is 4/20/2025 and I am sitting in my UCDC apartment with all of my items sprawled out in front of me. I find comfort in the control of my own chaos. I am scared to start sharing my thoughts out like this since blogging is too extra for my generations' attention span. I am not writing to catch anyone's attention but to capture this special time in my life. I mean its 4:17... almost 4:20 right now in CA. I've been sober for almost a month now since being in this program. I have smoked consistently for the past 5 years since the pandemic; it started off as trying to look cool with my friends then it quickly became habit then in college an addiction. Soon I'd became dependent and had short attention span myself. I am still so frustrated and upset with myself for reasons that are beyond my understanding. It feels like an imbalance of emotions, now that I don't smoke, I can sense the ebbs and flows of my Luteal and Follicular phases. I am supposed to be in my better "Spring" phase right now, but the current state of the world right now is fucking with this high.
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